Last night I couldn’t sleep at all.
It was around 11:30pm and I had to be up at 3:30am. It probably was massive amount of coffee I drank during the day. Or maybe not. I just couldn’t get my brain to stop. Story after story crossed my mind of finding belonging, finding a way for him to notice me, finding a way to be the hero, the wanted one. It just went on and on, until I was utterly exhausted. How could I get him to notice me? A sense of longing haunted me as I tried pushing these stories and thoughts aside.
I’m not sure how I finally fell asleep, but I did. Thankfully.
After leaving my first job this morning, I began thinking about last night. I pondered how I just couldn’t wait to meet him [my future husband], to know who he was. “If I knew, if I could finally meet him, things will be better. The longing would go away.”
Let’s be honest though. Would it really?
When you go to the store and see something you WANT SO BAD and buy it, how long does it make you happy? Or when you cut your hair, how long are you satisfied with it? I crave ice cream all the time… when I finally get some, how long are my taste buds relieved?
What do you crave? What do you long for? When you get them, how long afterwards are you satisfied?
When I go to the store, I’m satisfied until I actually purchase what I want. Then it becomes “eh.”
When I get that hair cut, I’m satisfied until a few days later when the thrill has left and people have stopped complimenting me.
When I get that ice cream that I crave daily (and yes you read that right)… I’m satisfied for a moment or two until I feel “bleh” for eating unhealthy food. (Same goes for burgers with me)
Psalm 107:9 says, “For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”
As I was in my car, wishing I could be with a significant other, my little sister crossed my mind. I thought of how she has been miserable for a few years now (she struggles with depression and has Crohn’s). Each time a change happens in her life, we are excited for her because we hope it will finally will be the answer she’s been looking for and the help she needs. But with every single change that happens… she’s still miserable.
Jeremiah 31:25 says, “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”
During my devotions today, I read about the fruits of the Holy Spirit. One of the fruits is joy.
Joy and Happiness are two different things. One is rich and the other is temporary, fleeting. Yet we usually settle for the temporary because it’s easier to access. Happiness is found everywhere and anywhere: tv, movies, shows, stores, family, friends, food, animals, cat videos, … you name it.
John Piper (one of my favs) wrote that not only is joy a good feeling, it’s a good feeling in the soul. Joy comes from spending time with God. It comes from the Holy Spirit. This joy causes us to see the “glory and beauty of Jesus Christ.” It’s rich, it’s deep, it’s fulfilling. It is also accompanied by peace… among other fruits of the Holy Spirit.
Isaiah 58:11 says, “The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in the sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”
No guy, no ice cream, no cheeseburgers, no cat videos, and no family or friends will satisfy any kind of longing in my soul. Only the Holy Spirit can.
I believe it’s okay to want and desire things, but when they take the place of God, when they become substitutes for the longing God placed in our heart for Himself, then we may have a problem.
Find Christ, then your life will be full.
Woman of Purity~