But I Know You – Jillian Edwards

I don’t know the mystery of your ways
I don’t know the purpose of the pain
But I know You
I know You
In the ashes and ache of a shattered soul
In a cold aftermath all alone
But I know You
I know You
I am held in Your love and You won’t let go
I know you and that’s all that I need to know

THIS SONG.

I recently started getting into using Spotify the last few months (go Pandora). I’ve got a few different playlists whittled down to play my favorite songs and I LOVE it. Only problem? They’re not Christian playlists. I know, I know. It’s just non-Christian music. Who cares? Right?

Well… it IS kind of a big deal when it slowly sucks your life dry of God’s presence. Especially when you’re more interested in listening to the “hip songs” instead of immersing yourself into God’s presence. This type of music isn’t necessarily wrong, but if it’s all we bring into our heart and soul, it’ll begin to worm its way into our lives and slowly turn us away from the Lord and all the work He wants to do in our lives.

So, I created a Christian playlist. I went through the hoards of songs suggested by Spotify, noticing many that I hadn’t heard in YEARS, like ones from Mercy Me and Casting Crowns from the early 2000s. There was one though that caught my attention: “But I Know You” by Jillian Edwards. I added it to the playlist before spending another 15+ minutes adding songs here and there, quickly forgetting about it.

This morning I was having a rough day. This COVID situation is KILLING me (figuratively) in how it’s destroying lives and friendships and work situations. I’m super mad about it (if you can’t already tell). Knowing I was in a rough mood and needed to get my thoughts and feelings straight, I put on my newly constructed playlist and got lost in the music and the work I needed to do.

Before I knew it, these lyrics struck me silly, causing me to pause as I tried catching my breath and my wildly racing thoughts:

I don’t know the purpose of the pain
But I know You

Wait, what?? What song is this??

I quickly looked and knew I had to replay the song and later look up the lyrics when I was done with work.

I know we’ve all been through our share of “hell on earth” moments. Some may seem more catastrophic than others, but they’re still life altering and soul sucking events. I don’t want to diminish anything anyone has gone through.

But how many of us can truly say with confidence… “I don’t know, but I know Him!”

As a kid, teenager, and later a young adult, I never could. Now… Now I can say it with more confidence. I have my moments, but the more I live, the more I can see God in the midst of the hurt, humiliation, and pain of my past. I have NO idea His plans for my life. Even your life! The more I grow and mature, the more of God I know.

So who is God??
He is:

Healer
Provider
Promise Keeper
Hope Restorer
Redeemer
Joy Giver
Chain Breaker
Love
True Peace
Sovereign
Father to the Fatherless
Comforter like a mom
Present
The same yesterday, today, and forever
Sanctifier
Grace giver
Mercy Giver
A God of justice
Powerful
Intentional
One who hears AND sees you
Savior
A guide
Creator
The Way the Truth and the Life
The first and last
Refuge
Our Rock
Our Advocate
Deliverer
Counselor
King
Gentle
Jealous for us
Our Bridegroom
True Love

I AM

I’m sure there’s countless other qualities of the Lord that could be mentioned. There’s no way we can box Him. To do so would take power, glory, and the sovereignty of Him away, causing us to miss so much on what He has in store for us.

As I’m writing this blog post, I learned of my high school Spanish teacher passing away from cancer yesterday. I know I’ve posted here and there about my mom’s death, but I remember the first time she got cancer when we were in high school. I was TERRIFIED for her, thinking she would die. But she didn’t. She pressed through and how she took it head on amazed me and made a HUGE impact in my life, especially in the area of the Lord healing. I haven’t kept in touch with her over the years, but I heard from my sister a few hours ago that her cancer had come back earlier this year and she ended up passing away from it this time. I’m devastated for her family and loved ones.

I don’t know God’s plan for our lives. Or my life. Or just life situations in general. I don’t know and I definitely don’t understand (most of the time, ha).

BUT…